And bit by bit, she learned. She slowly opened up to the therapist and with a little prodding, began to explore the world outside the door. Martin watched her progress, wishing that he could dash out and help her up each time she fell but knowing that she would be stronger if she could rely upon herself. Two months went by, then two more, peppered with visits from her father and mother and Chantal felt herself becoming someone different. She was becoming someone who wanted to live. She held a secret close to her heart and she drifted down the hallway each day, a grin on her face. She felt so good that there was nothing that could bring her back down to Earth, except … ‘Hello, honey.’ The sound of Jean-Claude’s voice made her feel hollow inside and her head filled with static. She felt his breath against her cheek before he placed a kiss there and let him lead her over to a bench under a tree. ‘It’s nice to see you again.’ ‘What ‘s wrong, not enough pussy for you out there?’. "Please God, make it go away."Later that night despite my girls not being told, because I don't want to worry them, I do ask them about self examinations and they are embarrassed and I get upset and I yell at them. I tell them how to do it and when. I don't sleep well that night. I will not sleep well for a very long time.I go in the next morning for my testing; but I stop off and attend the 6:00 a.m. Mass. I am so afraid and alone, maybe it will be OK. I pray for myself and then realize there are others who have the same fears, the same problems, I pray for them too. I know that God hears I just hope He does not say no.They do the additional testing and I go off to work. It is three hours later when I hear back. I need a biopsy because there is something wrong in the new pictures. They have me come in the next morning.I have been kicked in the teeth and the stomach. I can't breathe again. I can't quit shaking. I know there is something wrong I feel it. One of my friends at work asks.
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