’ I closed my eyes and tried to find the words to explain the sensations. ‘It’s like I wake up in the night and everything is dark and quiet and I can’t really see or hear anything except… except maybe the sound of your breathing, but… I can smell you… And if we’ve, you know, done it, I can smell us.’ I took a deep breath imagining I was inhaling that scent now. ‘And it’s so heady, and so palpable that I can only focus on you… No,’ I shook my head to correct myself, ‘no, I am aware of nothing but you beside me. And then, I feel overcome by this… this great… umm… craving for you- like I just have to have you inside me and around me, y’ know, so it’s just you. And this need to… consume you is so great at times it hurts.’ I was completely focused on my thoughts and rattled them off as they came to me without filtering them in any way. It was only after I was done that I played back in my head all the things I’d said and realised that I’d admitted to Max some things that I hadn’t even to. All unpaid. I opened up my laptop and checked my credit union balance, but I already knew what I was going to see. I felt a sense of dread as I looked: $4.33. Twenty-six years old, and I still spend my money like it's an allowance from my father. I called him up."Julianne, I'm sorry. I'm tapped out, and won't have anything to give you for a while," he told me. "Come stay with me if you need time to get back on your--" It's alright, I'm not that far behind on my bills, and I have some stuff I need to sell that's valuable anyway," I lied. "I've got to go dad, I love you."Everything of value I owned had been sold two months ago, and my dad is my only lean-to. At least I had enough for cigarettes. I slunk down beside my bed and stared at the wall for a good twenty minutes before I decided to go through with it. It wasn't like me at all. I stood up, looked down at my tits, bent my head around to look at my ample backside, and looked into the mirror.I didn't say anything.I took two.
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