Mike made the introductions — her name was Emma — and ducked out. Emma sat in the guest chair beside the desk, and we made a little small talk about her goals. Before we got too far, I pulled out a Polaroid of me, taken the day I had first walked in the doors of the gym. When she realized it was me, she breathed, ‘How long…?’ ‘About eighteen months,’ I answered. Her eyes were enormous. ‘You did all this in eighteen months?’ ‘Well, most of it. What you see today,’ I looked down and waved my hand generally in the direction of my torso, ‘is the result of about three years, all told. A year ago, a little more, maybe, I had achieved the weight loss, and then it took another year to tone up some.’ She was silent for a moment, then, ‘Could I lose weight that fast?’ I opened my hands, as if to say, ‘Weeeeeelllllll…’ ‘Let me explain,’ she said, and proceeded to give me her life’s story. I was in no special hurry, her business was important to the gym, as Mike said, but he’d always then point. Thou shalt fuck thy waiter or waitress and leave them generous tips, the latter at least until the laws make their wages fair, the former always. Thou shalt fuck thy delivery person and leave them generous tips. Thou shalt fuck thy plumber. Thou shalt fuck thy postal worker. Thou shalt fuck thy babysitter. Thou shalt fuck thy parcel delivery worker. Thou shalt fuck thy bartender. Thou shalt fuck thy barber or stylist or manicurist or pedicurist. Adults, however, shalt only fuck other adults. Thou shalt fuck demons. Thou shalt not be surprised at the existence of demons. Thou shalt seize the homes and property of anyone taken in the Rapture on a first-come-first served basis, unless there is a living relative or spouse occupying or inheriting it. Thou shalt not be a Karen. If thou meetest a Karen, thou shalt fuck the Karen out of them. Thou shalt not be an incel. If thou meetest an incel, thou shalt fuck the incel out of them. Thou shalt fuck thy neighbors. Thou shalt fuck thy maids,.
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