I had started dressing up with lingerie several years ago. I was surprised how much I enjoyed the feeling of silky nylons on my smooth shaved legs; putting on a bra and thong just increased the pleasure, as the feeling of the bra’s straps on my shoulders and the thong rubbing between my butt cheeks felt so natural.Now here I was, fresh out of the shower, naked before the bathroom mirror, putting on the final touches to my eye makeup while often glancing at the time. On the other side of the closed door, in the living room, a Daddy I had met online was waiting for me to come out. I could hear him under the soft music sometimes getting up to get more wine.We had exchanged messages for quite some time before agreeing to meet – or, rather, before I agreed to meet. It had taken me time to feel confident and secure enough to let others see me this way – truth be told, I still didn’t feel confident for this meeting. Closing one eye to carefully apply a winged eyeliner with a hand that. They won’t stop screaming. They won’t stop twisting so horribly. I can’t fix it; I just want to end it. Mommy… Daddy… “Well, aren’t you going to say, ‘thank you?’” Princess Flitari asks. I nod, and she giggles. “You really are crazy, huh?” She laughs. I nod again, not wanting to disagree with her. The ripples of my soup dissipate, and I see my face dimly reflected in it. My crimson bangs are a mess over my eyes, my eyes are puffy from sleepless nights, and my lips are red and chapped from constantly licking them. I don’t know when I picked up that habit. They’re finally still, but they’re staring at me. Staring accusingly from blank sockets. They’re hardly people anymore. Just crisps with arms and legs. Mommy… Daddy… I can’t bear to see them like this. I explode. “Sebastian told me you ran to the reservoir yesterday and just jumped in!” Princess Flitari laughs, “It’s thirty feet up, you looney! Are you trying to kill yourself?!” I shake my head for the first time. The nuns taught me.
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