Wetzel, my date for the night.You see, Opal was a physicist. We met on OkCupid, the best place for shut-in nerds to meet other shut-in nerds who are looking for romance. I’m sure there are other use-cases, but they’re beyond my experience. We had a very pleasant date at a coffee shop, the standard date of people who are scared of rejection and don’t want pressure throwing off their “game”. Or of people who realize that their best chance at romance comes if they can talk for a few hours. I can’t really do the animal magnetism thing [2].I thought I had done a rather good job on the date and was proved correct when Opal invited me back to her place for the night. She told me there was something there I just had to see at her place.I thought that this was just a convenient way of inviting me back for a spot of bumping uglies. Little did I know that she had a time machine.Look, it’s not like anyone is going to read this. I’m 65 million years before humans begin to form societies, let. No problem. I drove to a nice fish restaurant in a small fishing village I know. As we were getting out of the car my friend gave me a remote and told me to press the button as and when I wanted to, and he would explain later.Kind of a weird thing to give to someone I thought, and even weirder thing to say. But hey I’m easy going. Whilst in the restaurant going through the menu and translating for my friends I kept pressing the button on the remote whilst wondering what it could be for.We sat drinking wine chatting whilst waiting for our meals to arrive with me still pressing the button every few minutes wondering what it does. After a few more glasses of wine His wife got up excused herself and left for the toilet. I thought she looked flushed but put it down to a long flight and long day.Whilst she was gone my friend smiled and said “looks like the remote is working, I was beginning to wonder”. I asked what it was for and he just smiled and said I will find out when we leave.
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