The party turned out to behis two buddies and their dates down by the lake. Hetried to have his way with her, and at first (sheadmitted, after much coaxing) she had been willing. They kissed, petted a little, and then…“Then what, baby?” I urged. We were sitting on thesofa together, her hands clasped in mine. Her tearshad made her mascara run, and I was fighting anerection. She was so beautiful, so wonderful to lookat, and even her slightly disheveled hair and ruinedmakeup looked sexy to me. Her gown was in disarray,the hem riding up her legs to expose her black nylonswhich she had laid against my own bare legs.“He…took his think out,” she said, not meeting myeyes.“His penis?” I asked. She nodded. “Honey, did he…”“No!” she said in a fierce whisper. “I’d never lethim do that. I told you, Daddy, I’m saving it forsomeone special.”It wasn’t what I was going to ask, but I was relievedthat she was still a virgin. Now, before that night,I had entertained many fantasies about being. Who knows what factors determine a woman’s attraction to a man: his chances to make a good living, and whether he is socially respectable, and whether she can imagine herself bringing him home to her parents, her trusted arbiters. For a man to love a woman is so much more simple, it is almost a command written in his genes, a two-word command: Choose One. I chose her because she is brilliant. She is brilliant the way Iris Murdoch was on the night she met her husband-to-be, when after hours of conversation they simply knew. I feel that I knew, as well, although I must carry the knowledge alone like some Prometheus. She was one-of-a-kind, thoughtful, poetic, wise, and I dare not do injustice to her by comparing her to a flower, or a bird, or a statue of Venus, because she frankly surpassed metaphor. I skipped the admiration stage and fell directly into love. I don’t have any real idea of her feelings, or potential for feelings, or lack thereof, neither do I know if I could pass muster.
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