Although I never copied it down in my journal, I remember watching The Haunting released 1999 in our exercise room. I sat on an exercise machine that felt like a piano bench cushion in the unfinished room. I watched the actress’s entrance up until this line:“So what about you? Husband, Boyfriend, Girlfriend?”Her last word was accompanied by a mischievous smile at the camera with her brown eyes heating me up in the cold uninsulated.My crushes on women in my red journal are confusing to read. My fantasies for men were so prolific, that I was inherently suspicious of small slivers of attention towards women. I had no problem with other people being gay or bisexual, but I was strangely scared of the thought in myself. In fact, if I included all my self analysis on this subject, this would be a very long story heavily involving a personal philosophy involving Eve, the tree of knowledge, and the meaning of life. 3/28/----I haven’t written in you for awhile because I have I have a file on. You and Noelle, however, knew that you didn't just imagine having a mother and three older sisters. What you didn't know was how they managed to completely and utterly disappear in less than a day. Your aunt Katherine obviously knew something, but after years of continually ignoring your questions and refusing to answer, you bitterly gave up on ever learning the truth of the matter. It still hurt if you allowed yourself to dwell on it, and you kept yourself emotionally distant from her and everyone else in town as a result. Noelle was the only one you could trust.If it weren't for her, you'd have left town a long time ago. Even if you stayed long enough to graduate, you would have taken your chances leaving town even if the only thing you took were the clothes on your back. Kathy might have believed you were starting to forgive her when you accepted her job offer, in effect keeping you “close at home”, but she was just a means to an end. A part of you hated yourself for hating and.
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