No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it is yet another attempt at my head trying to bombard me with rationalism. This fact is what holds me back and what keeps that impossible dream lingering. I. Gently because Tony had made me come to the hairdresser to be given a 'more girlie style' with a butt plug up inside me so that I was ready to take him later?I had already had my makeup done at 'Transformation' in Euston so that I could pass an initial look as a real girl. I was also shaved smooth all over. Tony had picked me up outside.I held Tony's hand as we walked along the pavement and into the salon. As he opened the glass door and guided me in the smell hit me immediately; the strong sweet chemical odour of perm lotion. The salon was a classic of it's type; bright, rubber tile floors and garish colours throughout. The reception counter was straight in front with an overweight 25 year old girl with an appalling blonde dye job sat leering across at us. You could see behind her into the salon beyond; helmet dome dryers on one side opposite the beauty chairs and sinks which were in front of a mirrored formica counter. "Can I help you?" says the receptionist"Yes we have an.
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