My heart leaped before mystomach plunged. But if she feels that comfortable around me that meansthat she sees me in a completely non-sexualized way. Although she alwaystries to soothe my male ego and say I'm not 'one of the girls', shereally does just see me as another one of her girlfriends.And if she sees me as a girlfriend, how can I ever be her boyfriend? Goddamn, I can be so oblivious. I looked into the mirror and saw thereflection of someone in Karen's body, but someone was not quite Karenand not quite me. I do have breasts and a vagina right now, and even if Iwere to tape my breasts down I'd still have a feminine face. No wondershe sees me as a girl - right now, I am one. How could a girlfriend dealwith the fact that every few days her boyfriend doesn't have a penis andis in somebody else's' body?But what if it went back further than this? Had she always seen me as agirl, even before this ordeal with the bunk beds? It's true that that I'mnot terribly masculine in any of the. It turned out to be a good fit too and I had a real eye for such things. It could have been a little longer perhaps, but no, it was nice just the way it was. I helped the boy into it and turned him around so I could close the zipper."It's beautiful," Jamie said over and over, stroking his dress like a new kitten.He trembled with happiness and I imagine that for whatever reason, Jamie had long dreamed of having clothes just like this. I'd never been much for the debate on heredity versus environment, but I believed just then, looking at Jamie and his obvious pleasure, that he really was a girl inside. Being born with male genitals was just bad luck and it was another part of the boy's life that I found myself unhappy with. How much rotten luck did any one person deserve, I wondered? Not this much and I found that nothing mattered to me so much as seeing Jamie happy."Do you like it?" I asked."Yeah." He looked ready to cry and I smiled at that."It's okay, you can be happy," I told him..
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