‘Oh, crikey, but I’m a tosser!’ he muttered. He sat down close beside me. I leaned into him, and when he looked at me curiously, I leaned harder… until he laughed out loud and finally put his arm around me. I smiled and put my hand on his chest, snuggling into him. ‘I… I’m supposed to be all manly an’ aggressive now,’ he said. He had turned his head enough that he could nuzzle into the top of my hair. ‘I think you’ll have to be, Billy,’ I told him softly. ‘Because I’m not.’ ‘Wot? Not manly?’ he asked. I giggled, but then sobered and sighed. ‘I’m not aggressive. In fact, I’m meek as a little mouse in a big field. I feel timid… and small… and scared.’ ‘Scared of wot?’ ‘Being alone. Funny… that’s never affected me before. I’ve been alone for years. Ever since Riya went away to college. But now… all of a sudden… I can’t abide the thought of it.’ ‘Aw, Betty. I’m so sorry y’ saw us like that. I’m sorry I DID it! I don’ know wot came over me!’ ‘Can you answer one question for me?’ He looked. You’re not. Of course you’re not.No one ever could.And yet, you’re painfully familiar in all the ways that had ever mattered to a piece of shit, would be, murderous ‘artist’ like me.Same mouth. Same nose. Same eyes, only, more blue than green. And that same look of feline curiosity as you measure me up for all I’m worth.“Caution, approaching platform.”It’s all too much. I feel dizzy. My stomach churns and I fight back the sour taste of acidic bile.I spring to my feet as the train comes to a rest, bowling over your small frame that had been hunched over me, dropping my sketchbook at your feet.“Stand clear, doors opening.”“What the fuck, asshole?” you hiss from the dirty floor.I look down at you. Wish I could rip my beating heart out and throw it in your face. Watch you eat it, teeth ripping it to bloody pulp. I didn’t survive prison for this.“That’s what’s fucking up. You want it painted too?” I mutter hoarsely to myself as much as to you… to her.“Wait… what?” you stutter, eyebrows.
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