It was over between us. She was with him now. Blah blah blah. She was sorry and divorce papers would be coming soon. Blah blah blah.SHIT!So Master Chief Martinez was right about her too. Back in Germany, while I was still confused about everything, he told me to rely on myself. Not to think that I would ever get support from my wife. At the time, I didn't even remember I HAD a wife.I tapped the plate – tink tink tink – "Well, Chief," I said silently to the man who lived in my head, "whaddya know about that. I got blown up and dumped on the same day. Shit."The only answer I got from Chief Martinez was to play 4,17,10,22,6,12 in the Maryland lotto for the next week. My birthday, hers and our wedding day.I didn't feel like eating for two days, but at least I had something to talk about with Dr. Wagner, the head shrink. She commiserated for several sessions and eventually got me talking to other wounded vets. I guess she figured that we'd be good for each other. That was more or less. AlthoughHelen wasn't sure a prognosis, any prognosis would be accurate. Theyreally knew very little about what John had gone through or why.The doctor was sure his changes had slowed, perhaps stopped, suspectingJohn had reached some sort of balance. That was another of nature'sgreat constructs - balance however one sided it might be."I suspect you can answer that better than they can," Helen said as sheadded, "They honestly don't know much. I mean they know a lot, but it'syour mind I'd like to understand." Feels different! Everything feels different," John said as his facechanged.He was considering his answer, internalizing it. He knew the changes,while subtle, were dramatic if seen without the context of those fiveweeks in-between. He also knew he was viewing things differently."A good difference or bad?" Helen asked cautiously."Mostly good! Not sure why that is, but it's mostly good," John said.He paused long enough for Helen to speak and she was about to, but thechanges in.
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