." Let me finish, please. I never thought of that relationship when I thought about ours. It was totally different, something completely out and away from whatever you and I were enjoying. So I never had to address in my mind the question of what do I do about this if that and so on. I just never mixed the two thoughts. What I did think about over the past several weeks, even months, is how much I enjoy being with you. About how much happier I am when we are together, when we do things together, I don't mean sex, I mean other things, and how I miss you when you're not around. I realized that I had been married for all those years and never once did I miss my wife when we were not together. I realized also, one day, that I was talking to you in my apartment when you weren't even there. I started thinking about us, and about what affect you were having on me, and what kind of magical spell you had put on my life, and what I wanted to do about it. Of course, I hadn't thought those. Trust me. But — which two am I paying for? The butt plug and a Jonis Butterfly. Well put it all on my Amex, double-warranty that way. Connie snickered as she imagined herself calling American Express: Yes, the FuckForever vibrating kit I bought was guaranteed for a year of trouble-free use and just eight months later, the damned thing burned out. At the register, the clerk finished adding up the damage: Thatll be…$245.92. Cash or charge? Connie passed her that Little Green Card. As she wrote up the charge slip, the clerk said, Oh, since you bought more than two hundred worth, you have a choice of twelve free batteries or a tube of our special fruit-scented orgy lube. The Japanese woman had wandered close. Excuse me. Take thebatteries. The lubricant smells awful and tastes worse. They looked at the clerk. Tastes like shit, she agreed. Dogs run screaming when they smell it. Connie signed her invoice while asking, Do you come here often? Until a year ago, never. But since my gentleman.
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