The woman pushed the door to the hut open and stood to the side. The man kept a hold of my hand and led the way inside. When I stood in the frame of the door, I stopped, still holding his hand but now reaching and taking the hand of the woman. She hesitated, seeming confused and reluctant that I wanted to include her, but my hand was strong around hers and my intention firm against her confusion and reluctance.Inside, they stood before me, the feeling that this wasn’t going the way she anticipated or expected. As if to clarify the situation that I might be misunderstanding, she touched my left breast, traced the new markings shown there with her right hand and put her left palm on her husband’s chest. I smiled at them both. I was aware of the request, the intention, I merely wanted it expanded. I shook my head. They both looked concerned, embarrassed at the turn of events, fearful that now I was rejecting the invitation. I stepped up to the man, put my hands on the sides of his face. 6:33amI woke to the sound of birds singing and early morning light streaming in through my bedroom blinds. I knew what I would find, because it had been the same for the past two months. Slowly sitting up in bed, I could see my reflection in the mirrored closet doors across the room from me. What I saw was a women of almost 30, in a rumpled bed with the sheets tangled around her limbs and no one else in the room.There was the usual feeling of loss and fear of insanity and depression. All of these emotions came crashing down on me each morning when I realized that Jack had not really been there. That it had all been a dream. Intellectually I knew what had been happening every night wasn't real, it was just that... it 'seemed' so real.The first night that it happened, had been a week after Jack died. Of course, we hadn't made love for the last 6 months of his life, he was just too sick. That first night I just chalked my dream up to a vivid imagination and my sadness mixed with guilt at.
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