Lately though it’s become hard. How do I maintain a happy outlook on life, knowing that there are people like her. Cursed to go through existence with a fucked up mindset. And the fact that they don’t know it, makes it even harder to grasp. I’m not going to take the clichéd way out and blame God. That’s too easy. I don’t know if God intended for her to be the way she is, or if He intended for her to kill her child, as part of some grand master plan. I am not even going to try to understand her. I heard that in her later years, she cried out for mercy. That she could be heard in her room screaming out to God for forgiveness. I wonder also if she’s sincere. How can she be remorseful if she doesn’t realize what she’s done? Is it a plea just because she feels that it’s expected? Or is she even able to understand that idea? Who knows what is going on in that mind of hers? Maybe she realizes she’s going to die there, and this is just a result of the looming death mentality that grips. She was a bit mystified that the cabin was only about fifty percent filled with passengers when they took off at the airport because it was one of the smaller jets with only about a hundred passenger capacity. They were the ones that concentrated on filling every seat with a warm body and no interest at all in carrying cargo down below. Besides most of the European cargo traffic was by lorry or ship where possible and air transport was primarily aimed at moving passengers from point A to point B.I had spent an inordinate length of time in packing because I was only allowed one bag on my chit from the company. I could take a second bag but the cost was astronomical because added weight for the extra baggage would cut into their passenger carry limits. It was all so confusing for me because I was not the sharpest pencil in the stack when it came to math or numbers and I much preferred to concentrate on the human element and find out about the story behind the story to make my content.
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