I wasn’t particularly surprised when he was still out hunting at 3 PM, but by 4 PM when the sky starts to darken up here in the north country I was concerned. Abe was always punctual when he told me the time he would return from his trips looking for food. With the deep snow cover and a clear night, the temperature kept dropping, and the radio was forecasting 30 degrees below zero in our area. I was beginning to doubt he was coming home that night. The only good news was that the moon was bright and vision was outstanding as I peered from the only cabin window. Abe didn’t come home that night, or the next, and I knew he would never return. Survival was impossible as the temperature never rose to ten below zero for the next ten days. Here I was, a twenty-three-year-old 110-pound weakling facing life alone in the north woods. I was unsure that I could survive alone until spring, but I was reminded of Abe saying, ‘Trish, you may be small, but you’re strong and you are a survivor.’ I was. The more I talked about what had just happened, the more critically I looked at the events and my past life. The more I looked, the angrier I became. Initially, my anger was inward directed, something I was very good at doing, aiming everything that was wrong at myself as though I had supreme power over everything that happened. He was very patient and tolerant in listening. He would only add a word or two are critical moments in my monolog, critical words like ‘why’, ‘who’, ‘you caused that?’, or something similar. They were simple diversions that led me to recognize that more of my past was things done to me than things I had created or invited. We talked a long time, but we had a long time available to us to talk.When I was able to admit that my anger was really at those two men and all the men before them, I saw him smiling.“What do you find so amusing?”“Sorry, but I was just thinking … then, it must have felt really good when I beat the snot out of those two …”I turned to look.
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