That’s how long it has been since your world ended. That’s how long it has been since your lovely and vibrant wife, Lisa, died.A not-insignificant part of you died when Lisa did. Married for ten years, it’s not an exaggeration to say that they were the happiest years of your life. You hadn’t known what you were missing before meeting her. She took you into her life in her gentle and eager way, making you feel like the center of her universe. You’re not stupid, you were not, but she had that ability. A way to make everyone feel like she was focused on only them. You didn’t mind that she had a family before you. An absolute piece of crap ex-husband, and three beautiful daughters. You were blissfully happy. You didn’t want children, you had a vasectomy. She made her family appeal to your, somehow. You were so happy.Five years ago, that ended at the front bumper of a van. Some drunk idiot, coming home from a company party. He hadn’t even noticed. The police found him two blocks away,. " "I never thought about what I did or why; I just did what felt natural." See, and that's what I've always loved about you."Silence."Do you see me as a guy?" I asked.She locked eyes with me but looked conflicted."I'd like to think that I see you as you, and nothing more." And when you see me for me, do you see me as a guy?" I - well, I don't see you like other guys. And I liked that. I'm not amisandrist or anything, but I never really could relate to guys, andthere were very few I could hold a conversation with." So...No." Loren, what's wrong? This isn't like you." I have to make a phone call," I said and left.***I sat in Karen's vacant room, staring at my feet. It was rude of me tojust walk out on her like that; I felt bad about what I did immediatelyafter I had done it. But she had confirmed the fear that had beenfestering inside of me the last few days. I had the definitive answer -the only girl in the apartment that I wanted to see me as a guy didn't. Maybe moving into this.
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