I was afraid to look up. The men muttered quietly among themselves at the view. I had no clue what he was doing or what this next “phase” entailed. My legs shook from a turn-on like I’d never experienced, because of how he spoke to me and what he said, because of how hard he was at my dirty mind, because of this embarrassing exposure he knew I’d love. I never thought I’d enjoy such a thing. If I think about the present company, especially Geoffrey, it makes me a little sick actually. I’m not really an exhibitionist, or I didn’t think so, but this flashing predicament with Logan at the helm and them watching it unfold twanged me like a twisted, guilty pleasure. My labia was swollen and soaked because of Logan’s handiwork, and delight fondled my insides at getting to show off the results. I’m so bad. Could they see the tears of joy slipping down? At his absence, a chill floated over me like a bed sheet. I liked the feel of his body on me, the weight, all his hard places pushing. Other than hearing someone approaching, there wasn’t even a gust of wind to rustle the leaves in the trees around us.Frustrated, I prayed, “If you’re not going to answer, I’m going to follow my heart back to my friends and family because that’s where it’s pulling me right now. And I will sin. I will sin like you wouldn’t believe.”The footsteps had stopped, apparently waiting for me to finish before approaching any further.So I simply finished up, “So I guess this is goodbye for now. Maybe someday you’ll find it in your mercy to send me a sign you’re willing to forgive me. I just hope you don’t take so long that I won’t care by then. Amen.”I batted the bitter tears out of my eyes that last bit had made, but then when I opened my hands and the necklaces fell onto the concrete bench, I saw the heart had broken into two and one piece was completely separated from the rest. That made me tear up again, taking it as the sign I truly had lost my connection to Jesus.Anger replaced the sorrow.
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