Therein lies the risk, and all your logic and all your personal strength will dissolve in the face of uncontrolled clinical depression. The logic is inescapable, as you’ve already determined your actions in advance. Add to that the words you used, and it’s no wonder Kara is distraught.”“Doc, with all due respect, I’m in control of my healthcare, and I don’t see how telling me I’m not supposed to say how I feel is going to help ME. All that will do is frustrate me even more, and it won’t make me accede to demands I take pharmaceuticals stronger than aspirin or Advil, with the exception of antibiotics. I’m not exactly sure what people expect me to do!”“Follow the advice of your doctors.”“I saw the results of THAT yesterday. No thank you.”“You do realize that if you consistently refuse treatment, your doctors and I won’t really have many options.”“Is that a threat?” I asked. “That you’ll try for civil commitment? That you’ll refuse to try to help me? Seriously?”“To use your terms, I’m. As the quantity grew, I was delighted with the opportunity to narrow my criteria and be able to pick and choose. When they started coming in, I was amazed by what I saw, and I started noting how outright beautiful some were. (Yes, we girls can be very critical of each other, sometimes quite catty, but most of us know a good looking woman when we see one: how else do we know when to get jealous?)As I said, I think it was when I saw the applicants that I modified my plans. I have, at times, found myself to be attracted to other women, and I thought it was a natural thing. Maybe it was because I hadn't had sex in six months (my last boyfriend dumped me for a ditzy girl with a huge chest). When I saw these girls sitting before me, though, I felt myself getting turned on. The thought of these attractive girls wanting to be more attractive excited me in a way that surprised me. I think it was seeing this one girl who was on the cheer squad, whom I knew to be quite popular, that really did.
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