Wrapping a white towel about myself I headed down to the pool. The sun was beating down and the heat though not quite oppressive certainly was hot. Finding one of the loungers I put my stuff on it and sitting took my sun cream placing some in my hand I started to slowly work my shoulders noticing that an older gentleman who was well tanned was watching me intently. He was slightly chunky though not fat maybe about 60 with a full head of grey hair. He watched as I enjoying him watching started to rub the cream slowly up and down my thighs.“Hello I’m Max, can I help you apply that?”His smile was so handsome and I thought why not we are at the pool what could he do here.“Thanx I’m Julie.”I held out the bottle and lay on my front so he could apply the cream to my back. There is something so sensuous about a stranger applying sun cream to your body that I have never noticed before. Mind I have never done it before either. I could feel his hands touching very gently careful never. But Darian, you’re sick, your mind could be gone in a few years. You have a right to be angry. You say that, but do you really mean that? I don’t think you do for the simple reason I don’t think a lot of people have ever been angry. True anger is dark bloody emotion that most people won’t admit to feeling. I do. Even if they admit to feeling it to themselves they won’t explore it or share it with others. Part of my growing process was learning to accept that I am capable of, not just in theory, but in actuality of the most horrific things that any human that has ever lived has done. I am also capable of the good. Every bit of it from child cannibalism to saving the whales is part of being human. I am human.My wife works. One morning this last week as I was driving her to work I saw an old couple sitting on their porch the next block over. All I could think and feel was I HATE YOU! I didn’t know those people. I had never seen them before that moment, but I hated them with every fiber.
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