I began to notice the way you sat when I came in. More upright in your chair as if to pay more attention to me. The way you cross, and uncross your legs. The way you always had something in your mouth. Pen, pencil, finger nails. You were always playing with your lips. It turns me on like you can't imagine, but I never told you. I just keep coming back for days, and weeks on end. Never reading any of the books. Only there to casually flirt with you. Getting to know you more and more as the weeks go by. Finally working up the nerve, I ask the guy who works before you about your schedule. After a brief discussion, and a small fee, he gives in to my requests, and agrees to help me out. A few days later (hoping you're in a skirt) I get there early, before your in the building. The guy behind the counter waits until the coast is clear, and lets me sneak back there. Hiding me under the counter while he finishes out his day, and gets ready for you to take over. I can smell you before. ‘Or we could go out, maybe this weekend? The Museum of Fine Arts has an Art Deco exhibit.’ ‘We could do both…’ But she wouldn’t let me in. Was she more into games than I’d thought? Was it more complicated? After her gig, after coffee and a pastry (on which she scarcely nibbled), after the drive to her apartment, holding hands all the way and feeling her up at stoplights, Elizabeth left me at the front door. Oh she didn’t reject me there. She didn’t put me out like old newspapers or beer cans for recycling. That’s not what I’m saying. Something was amiss. And amiss is as good as a mile. I’m sorry. These things just come out. My mind generates them on its own, little word plays that help take it off…what I want my mind taken off. Elizabeth is what I want my mind taken off. I’m sorry. It comes like a flood. Not about that night. No. That was funny in its way. I could tell she was concerned well before we pulled up. What I don’t want to think about is later, long later. I do things to.
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