His memories were crude, scaffolded by suppositions and embellishments. Her letters offered the truer version of events. One that he hadn’t appreciated at the time, but could now be preserved forever, if he wished.So he hid the letters in a zipped pocket of his jacket. Every so often he would leave the house on his own, solely to drive to their layby and re-read them and feel a painful arousal that he had to release.Initially the letters were also a source for his stories about Maria. Her recollection and sexual observations were intimate and sensous and Mike borrowed her language to enrich his tales. But even as he told the guys those stories, he wished he could paint Maria more fully than those sexual sketches allowed. He wanted to quote from her descriptions of her mother and her sister; about her university pressures, about her declarations of love.But the guys wanted the hot stuff only: what it felt like to take her up the arse repeatedly, the time she blew him and he came along. ‘I can’t be thinking thesethoughts!’When I came back downstairs she was seated on thecouch, legs crossed, arm draped across the backrest,with a glass of wine in her hand. Another glass satwaiting for me across the coffee table, but all I couldlook at were those legs. It was like they grabbed myattention and would not let go. “Thanks Mom” I said,looking up to make eye contact as I reached for theglass. Boy I could sure use this drink, I thought tomyself.“Well Danny, she said with a smile, what do you have tosay for yourself?” It was her standard conversation-starter, I’d gotten it a thousand times upon arrivinghome from school as a child. But this time it wasdifferent. This time I wanted to tell her what was onmy mind. I wanted to tell her that she was driving mecrazy.“Gee Mom I can’t believe how long it’s been. I don’tknow where I’d be without you,” I said, sipping thewine but unable to break my.
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