Mom used to tell me that pissing the bed a lot was something serial killers did but I think that she was just being a bitch. Although I have heard that fun fact from other sources too. But, still, I bet she was just being a bitch. I don’t even like the word “bitch” but when it comes to Mom sometimes it just seems like there’s no other word. Anyway, Mom died five years ago in a terrible accident involving a StairMaster and a bottle of mango flavored VitaminWater. She died in her house, a 19th century Victorian in New Jersey. Despite the fact that she was a total bitch, Mom left the house to me. My friends suggested I sell it.“Why would you want to live in a house your mom died in?” They’d ask.“She died in the house, Francis, let that sink in. That’s really upsetting.” They’d say.“Francis, she didn’t just die in her bed peacefully. She was electrocuted and ripped to pieces by a rogue StairMaster after spilling a mango flavored VitaminWater into its power source. There was hardly. He stopped drinking and began walking almost every where he went to. He slimmed down, considerably. He lost nearly 40 pounds, most of it from years of drinking while in college of course, but he lost it. And he lost some of his “man-boobs” too along with some of those love handles of his. He was a charming young man, who was one who was rather quiet and subdued. Most people who’d know him, really liked his demeanor and that would of course include family members, including his young niece of 19 years old, Amanda. She found him to be as charming as ever. And he was charming along with sweet and pleasant and anything else you want to plug in with those two words. Now, after six long years on the road, the youngest of this family, Aaron, was finally coming home, and in those six years he’d done it all, almost. He had lived on the road, bunked at “people’s” houses, and seeing that he’d done this he just happened to have opportunities with slightly older women which enabled him to.
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