In our online chats, she told me a lot of things about her life and she lived in a loveless marriage, and how bad her husband treats her.Our first meeting was kind of awkward (in a hotel room). We have discussed sex few time online and what we would do if we meet. When i first met her we joked about how crazy we are to do this. She was married with two k**s. We stayed in the hotel room talking for an hour or so, then i moved on to touch her and kiss her, not that i forced myself on her, i was gentle and didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Then she left and promised to come back the next day. I told her she doesn't have to come back if she feels it is in appropriate or if she is uncomfortable. She came the next day, we talked more, touched each other, then i tried to sleep with her, she moved away from me, and said that cannot believe she is here with me and she has never done this before, she couldn't believe that she was cheating on her husband....I believed her and didn't force. I couldn't get away. Kit was simply stronger than I currently was."Oh no you don't. Gary didn't do this so you could go get yourself arrested. You at least owe him that. Now we're out of time. We've got to go and you're coming whether you like it or not." I crumpled to the ground with grief while Kit urged me to get up. Time was running out or the cops were going to find us, but I no longer cared. I felt hollow. My hand went to my stomach and I found myself wishing distantly that I had gotten pregnant. I was desperate to have any piece of him back. It had happened too quickly. Things had gone from good to bad to good and now the pendulum had swung back to bad again, only now it was stuck on bad. When you're dead you don't come back. It's a lesson I had learned the hard way. Another lesson I learned was that the ones you left behind kept on loving and needing you after you were gone. Your absence only made more acute the loss and pain they felt. It's very selfish but it's inescapable..
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