"It was good that Jack and I decidedto have a trial run of living together. We've decided to delay gettingmarried for a while and, so as not to waste all that money, David saidyou would be delighted to step in as the happy couple. Every thing's beenarranged and, of course, you even have the perfect wedding dress ready towear for the happy occasion."This just couldn't be true. I was now supposed to be the one gettingmarried."Yes," said my mother excitedly. "Your father and I have booked and paidfor your honeymoon as a present. Two weeks in a bridal suite on Bermuda.Isn't that the most wonderful news?"It just kept on getting better. No one had bothered to consult me aboutwhat I wanted. It was all just too much to take in at once. I had no ideawhat to do. I needed some quiet time to myself to sort out my options andmake a decision about how to live the rest of my life.First, I had to recognize some truths about myself. Once just a cross-dresser I am now irreversibly a woman. I enjoy. When did vacuuming the carpet become more important than fucking on the floor? When did being a good employee, and working overtime for a minuscule raise become more important than supporting the child at the baseball game? When did doing this thing become more important than doing that thing?It’s only after the consequences of having relegated those meaningful roles to the background are reaped, that it becomes obvious that one has screwed up their life. The child runs away from home, the spouse has an affair, and the house becomes a dry sterile environment that kills the spirit. Loneliness becomes the watchword of the day. Men and women, in the throes of depression, cry to heaven, “Oh Lord, let me be loved.”Infant, toddler, child, youth, adolescent, adult, and elder. Looking back to previous stages of our physical growth, we think of how much better things were back then. They weren’t, it was just that we didn’t see the true consequences of our actions at the time. We didn’t.
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