It was only a chance that coming to this ‘Cowboy Tavern’ he met with this group of city guys. They looked a happy go lucky group and also acted very friendly to invite Fermin in their group as they began ordering. Fermin had no doubt to wonder, if their attention to him was a bit personal. Being young, strong and macho like any brute Cowboy, Fermin was sure, if push came to shove, he could easily handle these unfit, though clever and cunning city lads, even though they were four against him alone.Eventually, Fermin realized that he had enough and told the guys that he must get back to the motel as it was getting late and dark already, his friend from the ranch had promised him to make the arrangements for the night but now, he had no idea where his friend was. The city guys seemed sorry and all so concerned that one of them offered him a ride. Fermin thought, it was a good idea to accept the offer and all of them got up ready to leave as the city-boys paid off the check and walked. My vision was shifting, tilting, as the walls of my bedroom began to spin.“I don’t fucking know,“ I mumbled as I curled over on my side and closed my eyes. It felt like I was falling slowly, uncontrollably into a blackness with no bottom.I woke up some time later, my cheeks pressed hard against the bare mattress, the rest of me tangled up in the sheet. When I opened my eyes, the walls were still shifting slightly. It felt better to keep them closed.My brain struggled to right itself in this shifty new reality. A dark pit seemed permanently lodged in my stomach now, and a thin blade of icy pain pierced through my heart with every beat. Thoughts of Alan and Madison flitted across my brain, but I shoved them aside. I needed to think about what to do - of how to be - next. What does my life look like now? What about Alan? Do we stay together? Should I cheat on him? What would that accomplish? And if I left him, then he’s just free to be with her and I’ve got… nothing. And then my brain.
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