"All of us."He was sweet and thoughtful, and when he came into the dressing room with me, I stood still and let him take my clothes off, one piece at a time. My brain was screaming at me to slap his face, and run, but my body responded so forcefully, that before I knew it, I was lying across the bench and he was inside me."I've hated myself for days ... wanted to kill myself for months, but couldn't do that to Millicent and this one," she patted her stomach, to indicate the little one growing inside her.I stood still as a statue and let her talk. She could see the hurt in my eyes, but I gave no other outward signs of the turmoil I was suffering.Rebecca put an end to my suffering with her next statement."We met a couple times a week until I knew I was expecting, and when I told him, he turned his back and walked away without a single word."It Hurt So Bad, and then I realized that was exactly what I was going to inflict on you, when you found out. I could have tried to make you think it. We dozed sitting together on the couch. Finally about 6 a.m., I shook myself and began to make plans for the next several days. I called my son at his apartment, then Joan's parents and my parents. I also called the funeral home and made arrangements for them to pick up the body. I was still in a state of shock but was beginning to function somewhat. Before I had much time to think of the implications of my wife's death a man from the funeral home called. He said they could not pick up the body until after I had positively identified it.I called to make arrangements to view Joan's body. While I was talking on the phone I remembered the officer had said Joan was killed riding in a van. I called the police to verify that she was not in her car. I also asked about her purse and other personal effects. The officer told me they had no personal effects of Joan's. The records showed they had identified her tentatively based upon a medical warning bracelet she was wearing. After I had.
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