Every day I have to deal with kids from broken homes, kids with parents that are out of their minds on heroin most of the time, kids who barely see their parents from one day to the next and don't know where the next meal is coming from. I see ten; twenty Kirsty's everyday and I do the best I can for every one of them. I see kids as young as five or six looking after their baby brothers or sisters - going out to steal baby food and nappies and not a parent in sight. I find it's easy to look at myself in the mirror because I do the best job I can. What I do find it difficult to do is sleep at night."I was rocked back by the strength of feeling in her outburst; by the way the air almost became heavier around me due to the weight of her words and the despair they described. The pictures she conjured up in just a few sentences painted a world that I was thankful I didn't have more experience of, more contact with. I realised that she was right and I had become so personally involved in. What they did was counter to our cultural norms, but they never hurt me physically. In fact, they gave me a great deal of pleasure. When they were killed, I started to hate them. They'd given me so much pleasure, so much love, and suddenly they had abandoned me. I hated them for that, but deep down, I knew their death wasn't their doing, and by then, I also knew what they'd done to me was very wrong, and I hated them for that, too. Still, I didn't want to hate them, so I suppressed what they did to me and made them into normal, caring parents so I could love them.Gloria says if I'd been given to normal, loving parent substitutes after my parents' death, I might have learned to cope with what my real parents did to me and get on with my life without burying how they'd used me for their own sick desires. Instead, my aunt and uncle became my parent substitutes, and they continued the abuse but in a different way. They belittled me, called me names, beat me. I couldn't love them, so I.
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