I was intriged at first, and later on became absolutely captivated by her. We exchanged one letter a month, regular as clockwork. In our letters we discussed everything under the sun, but somehow it always got back to sensuality. She told me a bit about her past life as a stripper and nude model, and I wrote her back telling her about my interest in art history and anything else that felt oh so sensual to me. We both shared a passion for photography, and as a semi-professional she always was interested in my views. Black and white ones with the model wearing leather or black were my own favourite ones. Today I've moved on and know that it was wrong of me not to tell her my real age straight away. After the first five letters I just couldn't any more because I was head over heels in love with her and I was indeed deadly afraid of her reaction. Yes, we talked about life and all its riches in our letters, although I now believe that she was indeed lusting more after the young. I shrugged my shoulders, and told her a half-lie, ‘It’s too soon to tell, but I don’t see why not.’ After voicing her fears about my changing physical nature, I hesitated telling her the rest, telling her about the same dreams we’ve been having and the nightmares plaguing Denise, about my growing callousness and disregard for others feelings and well-being, about the fact we could project emotions and visions other than lust into the others, about my vision outside of Beetlesmith’s that day, and so many of the other minor peculiarities outside the realm of normalcy and logic that I’ve experienced. It was all too much to tell at the moment. Instead, I gave her the opportunity to vent her anger at me at what I had done. ‘Well, now you know. I happened onto this thing at a time in our marriage when we weren’t setting the night on fire. And to tell you the truth, I felt, deep down, I was losing you. I was desperate to try anything that would spark your desire in me again. Stupid, I know..
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