I sat there, not knowing what to say. Our talk had taken about five minutes so far and we were already into the part about her having been with other men. She wasn't hiding ... or I didn't think she was hiding anything from me. She must have read my mind."I will tell you whatever you want to know, Jeff. If I can. Part of all that went on I'm not sure how it came to be. I'm not sure when I became a slut either. I am though. I had sex with four men I didn't know, and I used no protection at all. I even enjoyed part of it ... for a while. I don't know why I did it. I don't know what caused me to forget my wedding vows, or my husband waiting for me at home. All I do know is that at one point I heard myself begging for more. I was such a slut. I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve you ... I don't deserve to live."Her sobs took over her ability to speak and she just collapsed. I watched her, not knowing who this person in front of me was. I didn't say anything. I was too shocked and. When I came upon the 2nd underpass there were more guys this time it was all black guys and more of the same harassment...crude comments like "I bet the homo gives good head", "hey boy get back here and let me tap that ass of yours"....., I made it back to the hotel safely and was all sweaty walking around trying to cool down in the 95 degree heat. My mind was now getting excited planning my night escapade, but I could not forget what had just happened. my mind was racing a 100 miles an hour! Do I even dare! could I dare myself to go back? You see this is what happens in a bipolar mind. The internal good and bad begin conflict and reckless bad behavior usually follow in the darkness of the night. So in the blink of an eye I decided I was going to go back and "just see" what would happen with those homeless guys and if they were for real. It was now approaching 9 PM and it was really dark and hard to follow the trail. It was creepy, I was a bit scared and my heart was.
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