It just seemed the thing to do.I was about to catch him when one of the schoolyard attendants grabbedme. We were all brought to the office and questioned one at a time."What happened," the assistant principal asked. "Why were you chasingJoshua? Why was Amelia crying?" Amelia asked me to play with her and I said 'No'." Why did you do that? Are you mad at Amelia?" No, I'm not. I just didn't feel like playing." But why was she crying?" I told you because I wouldn't play?" Does she always do that?" I don't think so." Then why were you chasing Joshua?" He pulled up my skirt?" He did?" Yes." Joshua said you were chasing him for no reason." That was the reason." Amelia didn't say anything about Joshua lifting your skirt either." She saw it. Ask her again." She only said you were being mean to her." I wasn't" Joshua said that too. What do you have to say for yourself?"I wanted to tell her the truth, that I'm not Sophy, that I'm Pauline. Butit was obvious she wouldn't believe me. She would. Perkins has the radio and he’s on it. He knows what to do. There are no more shots and I know the guy is gone already. Riley is glazed and coughing up blood. I want to tell him everything’s gonna be Ok but it isn’t, but they do good work up at the Royal and I’ve seen these things get fixed in the past. My combats are filthy with blood and fecal matter and bits of bone embedded but I’m too hyped to vomit. I feel so inadequate. Your brain runs all the protocols but in the end you’re just left with a dying man and it’s always your fault. It has to be your fault—that’s what they pay you for. Sirens in the distance. I have Riley taped up – he’s clutching me and wheezing . . . I’m trying to get him into the recovery position without spilling his guts onto the lawn. “Jesus Boss,” he says . . . “Jesus Boss.” “It’s OK sarge. They’ll have you shipped in no time.” I love him. He’s a West Country man – unflappable – he knows how to work the boys – when to hurt them—when to let up – when to diss.
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