"What on Earth!? Parents gave permission for What?!"Where are my parents? Who are you?!" you protest.Behind the men you notice your mother and father standing together, your mother's eyes downcast, while your father delivers the unfortunate message: "We warned you too many times. We signed you up for a summer camp that specializes in troubled young adults like you, Dear. We're hoping this teaches you some respect. Do what these men tell you, don't make things harder than they need to be." What?! No way! I'm not going to some stupid summer camp, I'm 18! I'm an adult and I can do what I want!" While we pay all the bills and you live under our roof you most certainly cannot do whatever you want!" Her mother piped up, "Now if you want to be treated like an adult you'll do this program! Now you take off your clothes, young lady!"Extremely confused and indignant, you protest further, "Why do I have to take off my clothes?!" Hon, where you're going you won't be needing them for quite a. Nothing means as much to me,As the bonny fair lass named ChrisI beg ye now, come make my day,And join me in wedded bliss.EvanAnd, if that wasn't enough, the guy basically included a self-addressed stamped envelope, except that this girl had to answer his proposal in kind ... in the paper ... for all the world to see.I read it again. There was a picture of a teddy bear, for pity's sake, and roses. Maybe Chris was a guy, and Evan was gay. No, that couldn't be. Gay marriage wasn't legal in our state. At least not yet.I couldn't wait. I might actually buy The Banner every day for a week, just to make sure I didn't miss her answer. Maybe she'd answer him in Haiku. I could just imagine it:Should I marry youThis is not a quandaryNo - fuck off EvanI wondered if it was legal to print "Fuck Off, Evan"Tuesday morning, August 14th [Chris]"Where in God's time have you been?" Grandma demanded as Lady and I walked in the back door of her house an hour later. "I was about ready to phone the police.".
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