It was goofy. What was it about this guy that was so beguiling? I asked myself. I became determined to not go home alone and lost track of Ben, Sonia and Deirdre as I turned up the heat on the Austrian boy for the next couple of songs. He was ready and needy. I was just thinking about how I might teach him a few things, when Deirdre put a hand on my shoulder to hold me still. “I’m leaving,” she said into my ear. “Sonia has a car, only a little two-seater, and offered to drive me. Ben agreed to see you back to the Hotel. OK?” I looked in the direction of Deirdre’s head tip that accompanied this directive to see Ben and Sonia standing off to the side of the dance floor. Ben gestured a timid wave: something reminiscent of what Clark-fucking-Kent might do. I looked at the Austrian boy who had also stopped dancing and taken hold of my hand possessively. I looked over at Ben, and back to the Austrian. “Enigmatic Ben, or a sure thing?” I asked myself but the answer was already in my head.. "Here." I handed the glasses to her, trying not to betray the storm of emotions that raged through me right then. "I'm going to sit on the back porch for a bit ... looks like there's a nice breeze." I placed a gentle kiss on my mother's cheek before leaving the room.I stared out into the June evening, hands resting on the oaken rail that enclosed the porch. The soft glimmering of fireflies could now be seen, and the buzzing of crickets filled the air as I stood there quietly, scuffing the floor with the toe of my sandal. All my thoughts were of that strange manuscript, done up on my mother's manual typewriter and annotated here and there in red ink, her scrawly handwriting as familiar to me as my own.Julie, the young woman in the story, was my age, with short coppery hair like mine, a college student who was visiting home. Too close for coincidence. The longer I thought about it, the more convinced I was that the character had to be a barely disguised version of me. The page Mom had.
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