And I can take physical pain, I can ignore that, but I can't take the emotional pain. I can't fight it. And I'll do anything to avoid it. But I can't keep going like this, my mom's word burrowing deeper into my brain, sowing these pessimistic seeds of doubt. And Carly notices my long looks at her, she senses that I'm almost constantly on the verge of saying something to her. But I can't.I want to, but I can't.Even as we head to bed, I'm fighting myself. Should I? Shouldn't I? Even as I slip under my blanket, even though I'm wide awake, fidgeting restlessly.I toy with a loose thread on the blanket, chewing my lip. No. I have to do it now. I stand, the blanket slipping from me. No. I can't. What if- I shake my head.I have to.I take a deep breath, pausing at the foot of the stairs. Once I do this... there's no coming back. Once it's done, it's done. It is what it is.I swallow hard. Hardly words of encouragement. But be brave, just be brave for once. I go up the stairs slowly, gripping. The door slowly and deliberately closed then quietly latched and lockeditself."We can let go now." I said as I rephased us with this reality."So now what, Alex?" My uncle asked just above a whisper. He nervouslystared at the door to the outer office as if his clerk would comebarging in at any moment."Let me know when I should drop my shield, Alex." Jack said with anervous smile."Will you relax, Jack? Uncle Rick is here by invitation of the Empress." Yes, but he's still an Admiral!" Jacquelyn?" Yes, sir?" I'm taking orders from the Empress on this mission, sweetheart. Lordknows she's done enough for me already to deserve that right." Thank you uncle, that means a lot to me." I said with a nod to him."So, I'll ask again, what do we do now?" Uncle Rick asked anxiously."Not even curious as to the current date, uncle?" I teased."Just tell me what we do now, Alex. I can tell that we're still in 1944just by the sound of my clerk's typing!"Wow, and I thought I was a...how did Allie put it?.
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