Transvestite / admirer parties must be the wildest parties in the world! I saw some of my girlfriends doing some very shameless things! I could have written a book on the naughty happenings there that night!Four weeks later, I was sipping a free drink at the club on Friday night. Things were busy and a little loud when suddenly I spotted him entering through the doorway. Immediately my heart jumped and I was filled with both fear and anxiety. I felt drawn to him, but at the same time I was also afraid to approach him.He spotted me almost right away. When he came over to me just seeing his face made me feel weak. We hugged and I struggled to hold back tears. This was the man that I had called home. This was the man who I truly had felt. I held him and like a little child, I didn’t want to let go.As we hugged, I wondered why I felt so emotional and still so drawn to him. How could I feel so needy and powerless in spite of our reality? I was still apparently under his spell yet I knew. I'd fixed him dinner in my apartment and afterwards we sat down to talk, both of us on the sofa. We were having a glass of German wine. He put his arm around me and drew me in for a kiss. I was okay with that but I wasn't ready — and didn't want — anything more. I tried to jerk away from him but he was too strong for me."He started ripping at my clothes — he tore off my blouse and bra and slapped me, hard, when I tried to push him away. He was trying to get my skirt off and I was able to grab the bottle and hit him hard on the back of his head."He fell to the floor, almost unconscious. What I should have done was call the MPs at once. What I did was drag his sorry ass out my front door — I was always fairly strong — and locked the door. I sat there frozen in fear for a long time but I never heard anything. The next day I went to my commanding officer and filed a complaint."Since then I have this fear of intimacy. As soon as a man tries to touch me in an intimate place I freeze up..
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