”“You know, that’s why you never had that little brother you wanted,” he said.“I’m serious,” I said. “Why can’t we do this again?”“You know why, honey. You’re a young woman now. It wouldn’t be right.”“We don’t have to tell anybody.”“No,” he said, “we don’t.”And he kissed me on the top of my head. And I kissed him on the cheek. And he ran his hand down my back. And I picked at the flannel that covered his chest. And we looked at each other in the dark. And we kissed for real.It wasn’t his idea. It wasn’t mine. We just bent our heads together, and when our lips touched, neither one of us pulled away. We were still for a long time while I tasted the softness on my lips. Daddy put his other arm around me and squeezed, lifting me halfway onto his chest, and my gown bunched up over my knees. Our lips pressed harder. I opened my mouth, just to cover more of his, and when his tongue touched mine it was like a jolt that I felt all the way down to my stomach, and lower. I threw my leg over both. She used to do that with my father, but he stopped driving her. He said it was easier just to get her her own car. I don't think she really likes to drive." After what happened to Denise, and that time with us, I'm too worried to want to go all the way anymore. I'd still like to do all the other stuff though, if we had a place to do it. Don't you miss it, really?" Not as much as in the beginning. I miss the excitement some, but I can do part of it by myself." It isn't the same. Now that I know the difference, it's a lot harder to be satisfied with doing myself. At least I can still remember some of the best times when I can't get to sleep some nights. When I get married, I'm going to make my husband do it with me two or three times a day." That's still a long time away for either of us. I'm not getting married until I'm old, maybe thirty, or even older." Not me! I'll get married right after high school. I'm going to have three or four kids right away too. That way, I'll still be.
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