Then I returned for the shirt."What's Tanya going as?" I asked."It's a surprise," my sister smirked.Then she gave me the pants that went with the shirt. The plaid pants. And the hat.Women.I was destined not to find out what Tanya was going as until Saturday night, when I rang the doorbell at the address Tanya had given me looking like a fruitcake. An actual fruitcake.The woman who answered the door was older than I would have thought Tanya's mom should have been, perhaps in her mid-to-late-fifties. She gave me a long look up and down before she stepped back to admit me."Mrs. Szerchenko?" I asked hesitantly. "I'm Patrick Sterling." I know," she said coolly. "Please come in. Tanya will be right down."Right down was apparently a more relative term than I was used to; I cooled my heels for ten minutes in the Szerchenkos' foyer until Tanya finally emerged at the top of the staircase."Oh my God," I blurted out.She was dressed in a white short-sleeve shirt with short white shorts,. Kevin's frat was so impressed they threw you an extra twenty just because of how funny it was that they never even tried a different wash until the tampered stuff ran out.Needless to say, word spreads fast and you quickly became a dealer of humiliation, favoring whoever makes the better offer. You occasionally make a deal with sports teams, minor clubs, and students whose motives weren't even rooted in an organization, but the fraternities and sororities are your best customers. Through these dealings, you have earned enough money to secure your life until your forty, assuming your bank doesn't declare bankruptcy, and have gotten all forms of sex from sorority girls, cheerleaders, and sisters of Greek members. And to show everyone your neutral, you never commit the pranks, you only plan them and give out the supplies, and if someone ever buys pays for secrecy and someone offers more to break that secrecy, you take the more money, after raising the amount a bit, and give a 100% refund.
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