To his horror, she began to talk about his story. Seriously. ‘… and in paragraph three, you put another semi-colon when what you want is a comma. The semi-colon would work here, of course, then you could at least drop that second ‘but’. Try to avoid using ‘but’ wherever you can — you have got it three times in this paragraph …’ Devoutly he wished he could get his fucking butt out. ‘Yes, I see,’ he whimpered, although he could barely make out through his unshed tears her blue-lacquered fingernail resting on the offending ‘but’ on the page in front of him. Finally she stood up from the rags of his dignity which her excoriating review had left shredded before her. Straightening a small crease in her jacket with an efficient tug on the bottom of it, she walked to the library door. She turned as she opened the door. ‘You have a real skill for characterisation,’ she said. Her voice was as cold as the summer sun on the terrace outside was hot. ‘You can draw on real life people and show. Natty sees me and she comes over to me and in her Spanish accent she tells me"hey you so is it true you think about me a lot?" she asked."yes i do, i think you're muy bonita" i told her she smiled.'thank you" she replied. "look at you Natalia lookin' hot in that pink dress" i said as i spun her around"are you checkin me out?"she asked "si senorita" i told her."well your boyfriend might show up so I'm going to keep it professional" i told her she shook her head"i don't have a man in my life"she said ."okay well i thought you only liked Latino men"i told her, she smiled"i like all kind of guys, and I'm flattered you like me " she said as she grabbed my hand and held it"i wanna know more about you, maybe we go into the pool have some margaritas and talk" she suggested we went into the pool i put on my swim trunks and she had a pink bikini underneath her dress i got into the water."how do i look? she asked me."mucho bonita chica i'm so glad to be hanging out with you natalia" i told her.
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