If I had spontaneously changed sexes, even if I did so today, I believe I would be a lesbian at best and a slightly odd one. I doubt I could even stomach the idea of sex with a butch female. Denying even the slightest possibility that I was gay left me alone in a fantasy world where all women were stereotypical, model beauties. All people were perfectly sculpted women in these scenarios, the only difference among us being that some women had penises. And of course every one of them wanted to put theirs in me. My self-loathing continued to grow. I was naive. I couldn’t bring myself to date other women. What girl wants a boy who fantasizes about being a girl during sex? What female wants to have sex with a boy who dresses himself in lingerie because he likes the way the fabric feels on his freshly shaven skin? No young woman in the church would tolerate that. Still, I couldn’t stop playing out these fantasies in my head and acting them out alone in my dorm room on the weekends. The. “By the way, did you guys shower together in the spare bathroom?” Cal then asked.“Well, we were in the bathroom together but I showered first,” I replied uncomfortably.“That’s a relief,” Cal then responded.Intrigued, I cautiously enquired, “Why do you ask?”“Oh, it’s nothing, really,” he answered, before letting out a laugh.“What’s so funny?” I asked.“Well… when I was younger and dad and I showered together, we always had a piss fight in the shower, and I was afraid that you might have been initiated into his puerile sense of humour,” Cal sniggered.“No, nothing like that, unfortunately, happened,” I quickly countered.Cal now gave me a quizzical look.Fearful that he may get the wrong impression and believe that I had the hots for his dad, which incidentally was the truth, I quickly said, “Your dad is a very sexy guy, and I am very pleased that you look like him. I am also happy to know what you will look like in twenty plus years from now... The piss thing sounds like fun, however”“Mmm,.
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