If you want to know who owns what, Tina will find it for you.’ I paused for a brief moment. ‘Thinking about it, I wouldn’t put it past her to hack.’ ‘No wonder you are successful.’ ‘Please, Andy. Do not ever mention that to Tina. I get enough flak from her already, I don’t need more.’ Andy laughed. ‘And you are getting Bella now. Your life is going to be a constant struggle with both of them around.’ ‘Don’t I know it.’ Lily had given Tina the name of a surgeon recommended by her reconstructive surgeon and she had a consultation and for the last few days she had been in hospital. Before going she had demanded that Bella and I would not marry until she was back and could attend the wedding, ‘with my new tits!’ We had decided to get married at the Registry Office in Braintree. Neither of us was particularly religious and with deference to Andy, it may have been embarrassing for him as he couldn’t have walked Bella down the aisle. So it was when Tina returned from her operation our. We quickly discovered that whilst we both enjoyed a drink, neither of us had ever enjoyed being drunk – a throwback to the athlete perhaps, or just that’s how we’d been brought up. I can actually count the number of times I’ve been blind drunk on the fingers of two hands, and I don’t think I’ve ever ‘not known’ what has happened of an evening. Yes, I’ve done some very stupid things under the influence of alcohol (mercifully most before the advent of social media and permanent record), but I never saw the point in the sort of excess which the current generation seem to enjoy, the binge drinking and associated hedonism. Finding a quiet corner to sit together, Em looked at her watch and announced that we had just about 60 minutes to tell each other everything that had happened in the last 15 years. So, given the impossibility of the task, we agreed to give each other 10-minute potted histories, and leave the detail to another time. Em insisted I went first and, well, my story wasn’t.
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