I hid the book in my bedroom at Aunt Hilda’s, putting a brown paper cover on it. I wrote ‘Physical Geography’ on the spine, and put it in a row of other books she had given me. I knew I could not take it home and hide it from my mum, but Aunt Hilda was blessedly incurious about me, and in any case she did not climb the stairs more often than she had to. Three weeks later I was again spending a weekend with Aunt Hilda. I rode into the centre of town on my bike and this time I went to Edgar Backus the well-known second-hand bookshop. I had a tissue-thin cover story about a project for school, and I was ready to run out of the shop if questioned. Behind the counter there was a cadaverous, elderly man, with piercing eyes shining out from under bushy grey eyebrows, and a shock of white hair. He wore the working costume I was to see him in for the next decade, a dark grey apron over his cardigan, a shirt with a narrow navy tie, moleskin trousers, and large, voluminous oversleeves, of a. I mean ... I'd like to see your studio." A long pause whilst the blushes turned from hot pink to scarlet. "And the pictures." Of course you can see my studio ... when you are ready ... are you ready?" Yes, I think so." Her voice soft, but her eyes now steady, returning my gaze."You know you won't just be looking, don't you? To understand what I do, you need to experience a little of what I do..."I watched her swallow hard, her eyes burning brighter. Putting aside the wine glass I smiled and waited.Zoe squirmed in her seat, looked away, breaking our eye contact, seeming to gather herself, I wanted to reach out, to hug her, embrace and kiss away her doubts, but I needed her to do this alone."Oh" She turned back to meet my gaze, her words soft, but edged with determination. "I see." She paused, taking a deep breath as if about to dive into unknown waters. "Can we go now?" We can go now, we don't need to, but we can, if you are ready, because once there, you don't get to change your.
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