Id warmed to him and to be honest felt a bit sorry for him. We found a bench to sit on and I rolled another smoke. Our legs were touching as we sat back looking at the stars, he kept thanking me for the smoke and saying what a great guy I was, what a sexy wife I had and asking why didn’t she come back down to the party. For the umpteenth time I told him she was pissed and asleep and wouldn’t be coming back down so he’d have to make do with a wank later thinking about her! Hmm, I think I will he said and had a little rummage in his trousers. I told him to see if his wife was up for it, but he got a bit upset, telling me that she’d completely lost interest over the last few years and things weren’t good between them. Trying to console him I explained that me & Jo had been through periods like that when we didn’t have sex for ages but we always came through it. He asked me what I did when she wasn’t interested in sex. Well Id been with enough married guys to know where this was going. I sat through the movie, ate an entire bucket of popcorn and felt thoroughly content on my drive home. However, it was moments like these that I thought of Robert. I imagined him driving us home, while I sat in the passenger seat, reaching my hand over to his. Listening to him tell me which parts of the movie he liked. I’d complain about the popcorn kernels stuck in my teeth, he’d roll his eyes. These are the moments that are utterly forgettable. Once I got home I changed into my pajamas, crawled into bed, and wiped away a few stray tears before I fell asleep. I reserved Saturday mornings as “my time”. I’d usually read the paper drink my coffee and enjoy the silence that I had grown so used to. Even before Robert died, I had been a private person. Relishing in this solitude was not a new feeling for me. I flipped through the pages until a paragraph in the Community section caught my eye. It was a support group at the local university for widows and widowers. I had never been much.
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