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Still when we went back to see Dr. Gardner after sleeping in the same bed for a week, I was beginning to think that there might be some outer limits to my anger, that I might be able to contain it. I found I was looking forward to tonight when I could say positive things to her, and I always meant those.If only - are there any sadder words? If only I could stop seeing images of her with those officers. I keep replaying conversations I had with those men, wondering if they ever let me hear them laughing at me, taunting me. Every time I start talk to Jenny about holding her in bed, or more, I'm flooded with the image of one of those fat slobs rutting on her. Then I want to throw up as I 'hear' her cries of passion ringing in my ears.As I lay here I can hear her breathing, she's asleep. Normally I'm asleep before she is. I've been taking a prescription sleeping pill since my first appointment with my shrink. The first two nights in bed with her, I didn't sleep a wink. I'm not sure why I. Stan felt lost, without anything definite to do. He thought of going to the pub on his own for a moment, but discarded the idea as soon as it formed. Drinking alone was bad enough. Drinking expensive soft drinks in a bar full of strangers alone was intolerable.He got a can of beer out of the refrigerator, switched on the TV and started hunting through the channels. Half an hour later he switched it off again. He picked up a book — John Keegan's The Mask of Command — and began reading the author's commentary on Wellington.He woke up with a start. The clock on the wall said eleven fifteen. He'd barely managed a dozen pages, and could remember none of it. Stan went to bed feeling the evening had disappeared out from under him, and he wasn't sure whether to feel good or bad about it.Before going to sleep he idly thought of Denise. He hoped she'd enjoy her holiday. She deserved to, for she was a good friend.Even though Denise and Stan rarely spoke a lot during a normal working day, Stan.
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