When German class ended, I headed over to the lunch room. I got there in plenty of time, as I was getting fewer requests than I had earlier in the week. I got my food and sat down, soon to be joined by Craig."Hi," he said, as he sat down next to me."So have you thought anymore about the program?" I asked."Every time I do I get scared at the thought of all of those people seeing me naked." It might help if you started going naked around the house to get used to it. It sucks that you can't go naked around town." I might try that," he replied, "it sure would piss off my sister, though. Do you think it would be possible to go through the program without people realizing I'm ... you know, gay?" It depends, do you have a crush on any guy you see regularly in school?" Yeah." Do you ever get erections when you're looking at him?"He shifted uncomfortably in his seat "sometimes." That's going to happen a lot more when you're naked. But don't worry too much. Coming out of the closet is actually. . I can't find the right word ... thoughtful, kind, understanding, comradely? A bit of each of those things.But you can't paper over the cracks when something like this happens, when your wife vanishes. When you don't have closure. When you just don't know what's happened. It's just like in engineering. If you see cracks in a large concrete casting, you can't just pour more concrete in and expect it to be OK, just like that. Cracks usually mean you have a serious problem. So I can't "just move on", as though Jenny never happened.Anniversaries are the worst and birthdays. If was mine last week. I caught myself wondering what she might buy me, where she might have arranged to take me out. Then I remembered, she is not there anymore. It was hers a month ago. I found myself thinking what we might do together. What she might like and then I remembered — there is no Jenny any more.Our wedding anniversary hurt most. But then we are still married. She might not be there, but it is still the.
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