Sadi ka age ho gaya hai .. mujai samajh me a gaya ki aunt ko sab malum chal gaya hai fir mai kuch nahi bola or bath karne chala gaya ……. mere dimag me bas 1 hi bat chal raha tha kahin aunt ye sab meri mom ko na bata de … mai bahot dara hua thaa ye sab soch ke mera halat kharab tha ….. mai school bhi nahi gaya un din.Meri sis breakfast kar ke ready ho ke school chali gai fir ghar me mai or aunt hi thee sirf din me mai to chup chap apne study room me padhne ka natak kar raha tha per dimag me kal ka har bat a raha tha or dar ke mare halat kharab thaa….. acanak karib 12 baje aunt ne mujai bulaya or bola beta thora kamar me bahot dard ho raha hai malish kar doge kya mai darte hue bola han han kar dunga. To un ho ne oil la kar mujai diya or bola malish kar do beta or bed pe back meri taraf kar ke let gain.Mai oil le kar back me lagane laga or malish karne laga lagbhag 5 min bad aunt boli beta sari thora niche kar ke malish karo to maine sari ko kamar se thora niche kiya or malish karne. This is not something they have consciously chosen; more likely it is something that happens in the internal spiritual realm evoking a particular calling or vocation. Were such people always disposed to this calling - already marked out at birth as several ancient cultures claim? I feel unable to offer a meaningful response to this question. Whatever the preconditions governing the vocational call, the consequences remain the same and it is the consequences I am exploring in this essay. Celibacy in its primordial significance seems to arise from a passionate desire to share more closely in the erotic intimacy of the Divine. God is the supreme lover who allures and captivates the heart of the loved one. This can easily be depicted as a mystical calling for the rare few, with nothing of value or worth for the rest of humanity. I suspect that the opposite may be the case. The celibate fulfils a cultural role – perhaps a paradoxical one – exemplifying the ultimacy that is at the heart.
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