Fuck.In one sense, I shouldn’t feel any different about being armed than when I wore a uniform. But I did.Getting dressed every morning as a cop was just ... natural. I’d grown up seeing Daddy leave with a dark uniform and a belt full of the tools of his trade.When I checked myself in the mirror before leaving for work at the cop shop, I didn’t really register the pistol, the cuffs, the baton, the rest of the equipment. Just accessories. The only thing I had to remember was to lock up all my weapons at home. Walker.But now it’s a conscious decision to place my .38 in one of my ever-present shoulder bags. And my pepper-spray too. On top. I’m licensed for concealed carry in Missouri and pepper-spray is legal in all 50 states.I’d much rather stop someone with capsaicin made from chili peppers than with a bullet. Although the one time I’d sprayed an attacker — Hugo Blenheim — it slowed him down, but didn’t incapacitate him like the training films showed. I’d also used a taser, but that. I couldn’t help but to get butterflies as time drew near. Travis and I had hung out a couple of times between me asking him to go the party and before tonight. Nothing to serious, we would either go see a movie or do homework together. He was fun to be around and easy to talk too, I always found myself to be relaxed in his presence. Nothing ever went further than kissing and holding hands. I didn’t know if I appreciated it or was upset that he never went further. There was a couple times when I thought he was going to do more. Like stopping just before his hand would reach under my bra or he would get my jeans unbuttoned but never venture his hand past my waist line.It was clear he was showing restraint because just when I thought he would finally make a move he would stop and take me home or walk me to my door to say good night. I think he was waiting for me to be the one to initiate things. Sometimes during our make out sessions I would grind on him andfeel his want, and as much as.
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