It's a lot easier to hate someone, to discard them when you don't have to live with them and see their side of things. I couldn't pretend that I wouldn't have done what she'd done, and I couldn't pretend that I was this upset about not being consulted on her decision. I felt like a mean hearted SOB for feeling the way I did, but I couldn't seem to find a way to change my feelings.After the session before last, I lost my enthusiasm for ranting at Jenny. I just couldn't muster the passion if I wasn't going to call her a slut and a whore, or something similar. Talking to a shrink has helped some, although I don't know why; I never believed in that sort of thing, certainly not that it might have any effect in just a week. Still when we went back to see Dr. Gardner after sleeping in the same bed for a week, I was beginning to think that there might be some outer limits to my anger, that I might be able to contain it. I found I was looking forward to tonight when I could say positive. ?And my I ask why?? ?Are you asking why?? I'm afraid my sarcasm got the better of me and I nodded. ?I suppose I am.? The blond took two steps closer and held the front of the taser up, only afoot or two from my chest. ?Because I have the taser, and you don't. If you don't take your robe off,I'll shock the shit out of you and have Elizabeth fly your robe and yourpajamas from the campus flag pole.? I've seen determination in people before. Extreme self confidence of the typethat makes great leaders bring their followers through insurmountable odds.The steely glint in this woman's eyes was of that grit, that firm commandingpresence that I had fought so many years to attain. And now I was the weakone. I shrugged off my robe, throwing it down upon my chair, standing there inmy pajamas, trying desperately to look as confidant and self-assured as possible. ?Satisfied?? I asked, my voice seeming to sound shaky and weak to my own ears. The blond girl grinned. ?Not in the least. Take off your.
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