So sure of himself. So relaxed.This was his life now and forevermore. This was who he was. This was whathe wanted.There was a brief shadow over his heart for a second as he thought aboutLady Ann coming home but he pushed it away by recalling the fantasy ofwhat he could say to her."I don't want to become a woman no more m'lady. I love bein a man toomuch." But Burt," replied the fantasy Ann, "surely you don't want to be aservant for the rest of your life." Yes I do miss. I do. I likes bein told what to do. It makes me lifesimple. And I don't have enough up ere to do anythin else." He touchedhis imaginary forehead."You're such a decent and honorable man Burt," replied the fantasy Ann."And you look so handsome and rugged in that body. I've never known amore virile man in my life."He grinned at her.Then Ann's face turned sour suddenly and her tone imperious. "Now run andfetch me my horse Burt! Go on! Run! Fetch her for me!"And dopily; eagerly; her followed her barked orders, rushing into. Kelsey and Dakota had felt like whores. Ellie sucked like a lover. She ran her palms up and down the front of my thighs. She kept eye contact and I kept her hair out of her face.“Jesus, fuck me,” I gasped to discover I kept holding my breath. Our bedrooms, back in Yonkers, had been right atop each other. I remembered smiling as her terrible music would rumble my floor. I had gotten used to masturbating with headphones on and my breath held. I didn’t want to look her in the knowing eyes the next time we passed each other coming or going. I took in another big lungful.I was showing off and she was smiling. I hoped she knew. I wanted to know her well enough to read her like that.I tried to think of the twins before the blackout. I saw them almost every day. We shared a front door but I went up the stairs and they went straight on in. I told myself they had looked like kids, like teens, like schoolgirls. I didn’t stop myself from looking. Mel would tease me. Ellie would finger her little.
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