" I put my hand to my chin, mock-thinking. "Doesn't ring any bells." Well..." she started. "I kind of was hoping you'd be willing to do the same thing for me," she hurried her words, not looking at me."You mean..." Another guy," she clarified.I thought about it. Shit, I really didn't want to... but I wanted to make her happy, and I certainly didn't want to do anything to discourage her from being adventurous. Goddamn it."C'mon, I did it for you , you aren't willing to do the same for me?" She grabbed my arm and looked at me pleadingly."Okay, fine," I caved, knowing it was useless to fight her. She was always able to bend me to her will, either with sex appeal, begging, or by just plain bullying me. I had learned to not bother fighting her."With Marcus," she blurted."Huh?" I asked eloquently."What?" she asked. "He's hot. Besides," she smirked, "I've heard he's HUNG." I thought size didn't matter," I joked."Of course it does, silly; why do you think I'm dating you?" I wasn't porn-star. I wasn't exactly homesick, but I'd grown increasingly dissatisfied with how disconnected I'd come to feel from any meaningful social interaction during my day to day living. Somewhere along the way, I'd stopped caring about the direction my life was taking.I felt that I was mostly cast adrift, moving along without anyone being in control. I knew I wasn't in control. I woke up every morning, tired and listless. I didn't feel any sense of purpose, like I was just going through the motions, because nothing really mattered anymore.I wasn't even getting horny anymore. I hadn't even bothered to masturbate since before I went home for Winter Break. I didn't feel despondent or suicidal, nothing like that. I wasn't happy, and I didn't really care that much about my lack of happiness. I didn't care, period.I sent Lisa an email, letting her know that I'd decided that Vermont wasn't for me. I told her that I'd probably be coming home, just as soon as school let out at the end of May. I didn't.
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