I thought, here you are, alone again, your natural place in the world. The lake was covered by a low, flat mist. In places I could run my hand through it. It came away just a little damp. Finally back to my apartment. I found my old Shakespeare, turned to the plays. There was the line she had quoted, by the fairies. I read the whole play, then went to the sonnets, the ones that explore regret. The sky was starting to brighten, just a little. I thought I might get on the Web and go to a porn site, to get some pleasure at least. It might help, but I just didn’t have the heart for it. Oh to sleep, perchance to dream. What was that? Hamlet? I slept. * * * * * Everyone tells me it is common for people to have that experience, to have been open and free with a special one, then the next time to be shy. We were like that, remembering the kissing and the caressing and the moonlight, but caught in the fluorescent lights and Formica-topped library tables. Surrounded by the knowledge of. I was stunned, I was lost for words for a minute, and then said, "Noway."He said, "That's the price or I start telling people." Give me a few minutes, let me think."I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, could I do this? CouldI have sex with a guy? I had to pin him down to only once and to leave itat that. I couldn't put my parents through the humiliation. We were alldoing so well now, financially and emotionally. I came out of thebathroom."Ok, but hear are the rules, you only get it this once, never again. Yougive me the yearbook and the paper clippings and never breathe a word ofme or me having sex with you." I agree." He had a very horny look in his eyes."I want the Yearbook and clippings first."He then reached into his backpack and gave them to me."I want to do everything," he said.I thought for a minute. "No anal," I said, I felt in my now spinning headthat this would be like being gay, go figure."Ok," he said. I gave one last ditch attempt to get out of it "You.
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