Critic would write, in his oh-so-proper way, "and you seem to have no grasp of conventional grammar, without the saving grace of true experiment. The plot is miniscule, the characters the thinnest cardboard, and the ending completely implausible. You can do better."Tammy felt just awful whenever he saw what Mr. Critic had written about his stories. Didn't Mr. Critic realize that having fun was more important than any silly old rules? Fortunately, Tammy's friends agreed, and sent him notes like "Yoo rool, Tamee! Thet waz a grate storee!" That always cheered him right up again.But this couldn't go on forever, and one day Tammy Fey received a package in the mail, the snail mail, that is, with no return address.Inside was an old-fashioned brass oil lamp, with the alchemical symbols for Mars and Venus inscribed on its side. Knowing what this must be, Tammy rubbed the lamp with his best silk nightie.A cloud of pink smoke roiled forth from the spout of the lamp, quickly solidifying itself. What sane women wouldn’t be freaking out about THAT? No, these two were worried about freaking dollars.Over the first 24 hours, I put them through their paces while looking for the perfect opportunity to crush them under my thumb then tell them to fuck off and leave me alone, much as they’d done to me. I can’t say when it happened although some time within that first 24 hours, they managed to suck me right back into their web – while somehow showing me that this time they were indeed serious and committed.I say that they sucked me into their web because I firmly believe that without the unique set of circumstances they presented, I would never have ever begun acting the way I have, would never have interacted with others the way I’ve begun to do and although I’m getting ahead of myself a little, I would never have imagined that the perversion capital of the country, or at least the cut-rate underbelly of the capital was situated smack dab in the middle of Buckman County. Cops here.
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